Feeling nauseous 24/7 is bad enough when you only have yourself to worry about, but when you have to worry about your four children - two of them being 18 months old - and your husband, as well as teaching full-time and managing a household - well, that takes feeling crummy to a whole new level! Typically I pride myself on my ability to juggle each aspect of my life with a smile on my face, but over the past few months, I feel like I kept dropping the ball. I simply felt like a lousy teacher, an average mom, and an adequate wife. Aside from the nausea, I had absolutely ZERO energy - I mean, I have never been more exhausted in my life - and I have four kids!! I found out later that my exhaustion was caused by the extra progesterone the fertility specialist had me on. Luckily, Dan was always right there to pick up the pieces.
I am not the type of wife who needs to be waited on hand and foot. I don't have him running out to some random place at all hours of the night to get me something I want because that isn't what I need. I need him to understand what I am feeling and talk me through the worst moments. I needed him to be okay with my inability to cook our family nice meals and I needed to be okay with that too because I love to cook for my family. I needed him to be okay with the piles and piles of laundry waiting to be done - or the piles and piles of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. We both share the responsibilities of the household and the children, but I like to pull my weight and I feel really guilty when I, for whatever reason, can't. And trust me, for the past three months, I couldn't - and Dan never once made me feel inadequate or guilty - he simply told me it was okay and to not waste my energy on worrying about it.
I am sure you are thinking - well Dan better be saying that to me, after all I am pregnant and he is my husband, but don't forget - this is so different for him. He is supporting his wife who isn't pregnant with their child, but another families hope and dream. I am not sure how many husbands out there could do this as gracefully as Dan has done it. He just as willingly gave up his time and energy for Katie and Kevin's family as I did and that is easy to take for granted considering his belly isn't growing. I have to tell you that when you all say such kind words to me, it lifts me up and inspires me - you all make me feel so loved, but really, Dan deserves the same exact accolades because without him I could not do this. Without him, my strength decreases ten-fold. I was telling Katie about going out in public after our twins were born and every person who approached us would look at me and tell me how strong and amazing I am for what I am doing as a mom of twins. I could see the look on Dan's face - he just looked completely deflated because people acted as if he wasn't even there. I know there are so many dads out there who are not present in the lives of their children, or who barely have a relationship with the mother of their children, but that is NOT my husband. Our marriage is the epitome of true teamwork, as cliche as that may sound, but anyone who knows us will vouch for that. We pick each other up and we tag-team better than the best WWE wrestlers! So please, please know that he is carrying me through this just like he has carried me through so many moments in our lives.
These pictures are candid shots from our maternity photo-shoot when I was pregnant with our twins.
I genuinely love this man <3
Thank you Danielle Beck Photography :o)
Sweetface - we have been through so many experiences over the past 13 years that could tear couples apart, but with each experience we have shared - our lives, our souls, become further and further entwined. You know one of the qualities I love most about you is that you are ALWAYS willing to go on the ride with me - whether it is to randomly get a fire-pit at midnight after an amazing date that we just weren't ready to end, or deciding to try and have another baby and ending up with a bonus. And now, we are on this ride together - helping another family have a baby. Please know that I don't take your role in this for granted for one second. Please know that for each word of encouragement I receive - you receive it too. Please know that I love you with my whole heart and this gift we are giving together would only be a figment in the universe without you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for every single blessing you have given me.